8 Tips for Discussing Your Breast Cancer Diagnosis with a Partner

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Medical Video: Addressing Facts and Fears in the Face of Breast Cancer

If you are married, your husband will feel the impact of your breast cancer diagnosis. It's natural for your partner to be afraid of your health and feel worried about what will happen in the future. Because you both have built a household together, you may already be familiar with your roles and responsibilities. Your partner will probably think what will happen if you cannot do your usual tasks, whether it's working, caring for children, preparing food, or other daily activities.

Breast cancer can change the communication patterns that have been in your relationship before. If you and your partner are accustomed to talking about things openly, then chances are you can overcome this too. If open communication is difficult for you, you may need to make additional efforts to talk about cancer and its impact on your relationships and your home.

Even though each relationship is different, this might help you:

1. Involve your partner during a medical visit if possible

By accompanying you to see a doctor, your partner will immediately understand your diagnosis, treatment, and side effects that you might experience. Your partner will be better prepared, and you don't need to explain everything your doctor says at each meeting. And if your partner has questions, he can ask the doctor directly.

2. Describe your needs. Tell your partner what you really need

On a few days, you may want to ask for certain household chores that you can usually handle such as cooking, supervising your child's homework, if you have children. You might ask your partner to receive phone calls from friends who are worried about your health, discuss treatment options with you, or just sit with you after a long day. Don't try to assume that your partner can find out what you feel and need if you don't tell him.

3. Ask your partner what he needs

Because you, your family, and your friends focus on your treatment and recovery, it's easy for couples to feel neglected or burdened. Talk to your partner what he needs to feel better. Encourage him to exercise regularly, go with friends, or other activities that your partner likes.

4. Spend time only for both of you

This can be a challenge especially if you have children. Take your time to be free from distractions so you can talk - not just about cancer, but all the things you think and feel.

5. Accept the fact that you and your partner may have different ways of dealing with this situation

Everyone faces a different cancer diagnosis. You might want to do a lot of research and find out a lot of info on the internet, while your partner might just choose to depend on the doctor. One of you might be always upbeat and optimistic, while others might be a little pessimistic. Talk to your partner about these differences and tell your partner what is good for you.

6. Find out the adjustments that will be needed in the household, and then ask for help together

While you are taking medication, there will be times when you cannot help with household chores such as shopping and caring for children. You may have to reduce your work time, which will have an impact on household income. Your partner may need support from outside parties to keep the household running smoothly. Work together to find out what help you need, and then approach family members, friends, and neighbors for help.

7. Prepare for possible changes in your sexual relationship

Surgery, chemotherapy, and treatment for other breast cancers can affect you and your partner physically and emotionally. Your body may feel and look different, and sometimes you feel weak, nauseous, or tired. If you haven't reached menopause, chemotherapy and some hormone therapies can cause temporary menopausal symptoms or permanent menopause, lowering estrogen levels in the body. Your sex drive may decrease and you can experience dryness and vaginal irritation. Speak honestly with your partner regarding these changes and ask for your understanding as long as you go through treatment.

8. Ask for expert help if needed

A cancer diagnosis can make a shock even if your relationship and your husband are strong enough. A therapist, counselor, or social worker can help guide you and your partner if you have difficulty communicating. If you are interested in asking for expert help to speak, ask your doctor for recommendations.

8 Tips for Discussing Your Breast Cancer Diagnosis with a Partner
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