Beware of Signs of Rape in Marriage

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Medical Video: Narcissists, marital rape, PTSD and Complex PTSD

The term rape in marriage may sound familiar to some people. If you are married, what might be raped by your husband or wife? Doesn't it mean that when you are married means that sex is like you?

No, marriage does not mean you are free to demand that your partner "serve" your sexual needs whenever you want. Marriage also does not mean you must have sex whenever asked by a partner.

More clearly about marital rape and its forms, see the full review below.

The importance of consent to having sex, even though the status is already husband and wife

Many people mistakenly assume that if they are married, it means that a man is free to have sex with his wife whenever he wants. This is because for a long time, women were considered as objects of sexual gratification whose opinions or desires were not important.

Sex is indeed a necessity and a very important element in a household. However, sex must be approved and both are desired by husband and wife. Having sex because of coercion or threats, even with your own partner, is the same as rape.

Marriage is no guarantee of the rights of one's body. In marriage, your partner is not an object that has no desires, feelings, or opinions. Even though he is married, the only person who has power over his own body is the person himself.

Therefore, only he is the one who can determine whether he wants to have sex or not. No one has the right to force, threaten, or rap her. Even her husband or wife. Especially other people.

What are the signs of rape in marriage?

Komnas Perempuan stressed that marital rape belongs to the law and regulated in Law Article 8 (a) and Article 66 of the Law on the Elimination of Domestic Violence.

Rape in the household occurs when a person, both husband and wife, does not want to have sex or engage in any sexual activity, but is forced by their partner.

The following are things that can be said to be rape in marriage.

1. Forced to have sex

This is clearly an element of coercion. Coercion here can be done physically (the partner's body is held or the partner's clothes are forcibly stripped) or verbal (with a sentence like, "Take off your shirt!", "Shut up! Don't move!", Or even subtly like "Come on, it's your job to satisfy me. ").

Again, it is emphasized that if one party does not want to have sex or engage in any sexual activity, this is already classified as an act of rape.

Usually the victim will show signs such as saying no, encouraging the offender, trying to escape, begging the offender to stop, scream, or cry. But in some cases, victims who are already powerless can no longer fight their own partners so that they finally show no signs of resistance.

2. Threatened to have sex

Sometimes the threat posed by one party makes the other partner feel threatened and very scared, so he is forced to obey his willingness to have sex.Quite often, wives obey their husbands' willingness to avoid anger or other unwanted things.

This feeling of being threatened can be based on verbal threats and / or abusive behavior, which puts the wife in a dangerous situation, both physically and emotionally.

rape in the household

3. Manipulate the wife

Rape in the household can also be characterized by manipulation. For example, a husband denigrates his wife "incompetent in serving in bed" so she threatens to look for another woman.

Husbands who manipulate or act in this way can go further if their sex requests are not met. When a wife falls into her husband's manipulation tactics, this is not agreement in sex, but rape in marriage.

4. Sex in a state of unconscious partner

If a wife or woman is sedated, given drugs, sleeps, gets drunk, or faints, it is clear that she cannot give permission or consent to have sex. Even if the couple agrees or says "yes" when drunk or under the influence of drugs, it is still illegitimate.

5. Accidentally confine or limit the couple

There are still many men in patriarchal culture who curb and limit their partners in such a way. Starting from prohibiting his wife from going with friends, going home late at night, to controlling his wife's finances and career.

In this case, the husband might give the lure of leniency or freedom if his wife wants to serve her sexual needs at any time and do whatever she asks for.

If this happens, the wife can be called a household hostage. Like many hostages that happened, in the end the wife gave up while doing whatever requests her husband wanted, including sex.

So what should be done if the couple asks for sex?

If your partner is really tired, not feeling well, or is having thoughts so refusing to have sex, it should not be forced. This has been legally prohibited and regulated in law.

Preferably, invite your partner to talk about what is disturbing his mind. You can also take a break. The next day, you may ask your partner again whether you want to have sex.

If the couple doesn't want to be invited to have sex, they still shouldn't be forced. It is recommended that you and your partner seek help such as a spiritual guide, marriage counselor, obstetrician, psychologist, and others.

If you suspect family members, closest relatives, or people around you experience sexual violence in any form, it is strongly recommended to contactpolice emergency number 110KPAI (Indonesian Child Protection Commission) at (021) 319-015-56;Komnas Perempuan at (021) 390-3963;ATTITUDE (Solidarity with Victims of Violence Against Children and Women) at (021) 319-069-33;LBH APIK at (021) 877-972-89; or contactIntegrated Crisis Center - RSCMat (021) 361-2261.

Beware of Signs of Rape in Marriage
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