Contents:
- Medical Video: Dear Men: 5 Things That You Should Consider before Taking on the Role as a Stepfather (Requested)
- Start slowly
- Naturally, stepchildren don't initially accept
- Factors that can affect your transition as a new parent
- 1. Age of child
- 2. How long do you know them
- 3. How long do you date your parents before marriage
- 4. How good is your partner's relationship with his ex
- 5. How much time do children spend with you
- 6 tips for becoming a stepparent
All parents must face difficulties. However, when you act as a stepparent, the problem seems to be exacerbated by the fact that you are not a biological parent. This can open up power struggles in the family, whether from children, ex-spouses, or even your spouse.
When entering difficult times, placing the needs of children in prime positions can help you make good decisions. Here's how:
1. Prioritizing children's needs, not desires - 2. House rules
- 3. Create a new family tradition
- 4. Respect all parents
- 5. Don't use children as messengers or intermediaries
- 6. Talk to your partner
Medical Video: Dear Men: 5 Things That You Should Consider before Taking on the Role as a Stepfather (Requested)
Being a parent who combines two families, or marries someone who already has children, can be a valuable and satisfying experience. Being a stepparent is not something to worry about. If you have never had children, you will get the opportunity to share your life with a child and help shape his character. If you already have children, you can give them more opportunities to build relationships and special ties that only exist in brotherhood.
In some cases, your new family member can get along without problems, but at other times you will get into trouble. Establishing your role as a parent - in addition to daily responsibilities - can also cause problems and even conflicts between you and your partner, ex-wife or ex-spouse, and their children.
Although there is no easy formula for creating a "perfect" family (each family has its own dynamics), it is important for you to go through this new situation with patience and understanding of their feelings. Here are ways to make things easier as you adapt to your new role.
READ ALSO: Bad Effects If Parents Are Overly Mixed In Children's Life
Start slowly
The initial role of stepparents is like other adults who care about the lives of children, similar to family members or loving mentors. You might want a closer bond in quick time, and maybe wondering if you made a mistake if the stepchild isn't familiar with you or with your children as fast as you want — but all relationships take time to develop.
Start slowly and try not to hurry. Let things develop naturally — children can know adults who are fake or insincere. Over time, you can develop deeper and more meaningful relationships with your stepchildren, who don't need to be the same as their biological parents.
Naturally, stepchildren don't initially accept
Children who mourn the loss of a deceased parent or divorce need time to recover before they can fully accept you as a new parent.
For those whose biological parents are still alive, a new marriage can mean the end of hope that their parents will reunite. Even if it has been several years since the breakup, children often still hope for a long time that their parents will unite again. From a children's perspective, the fact that a father or mother remarries can make them feel angry, hurt, and confused.
READ ALSO: 5 Ways to Explain Divorce in Children
Factors that can affect your transition as a new parent
1. Age of child
When it's time to start adjusting and forming new relationships, smaller children are generally easier than older children.
2. How long do you know them
Usually, the longer you know them, the better the relationship will be. There are exceptions (for example, if you are friends with their parents before they split up and you are blamed for the reason), but in many cases, having been together has indeed made the transition a little more smooth.
3. How long do you date your parents before marriage
Again, there are exceptions, but usually if you are in no hurry to enter into relationships with adults, children have a good view that you will be in this relationship for the long term.
4. How good is your partner's relationship with his ex
This is an important factor. Small conflicts and open communication between partners can make a big difference about how children can easily accept you as their step parent. It is much easier for children to move to a new life when their parents keep negative comments from their hearing.
5. How much time do children spend with you
Trying to do activities with children on weekends, when they want to spend time with biological parents that they rarely meet, can make it harder for you to befriend your new stepchild. Remember to place their needs at the top. If children want time with their biological parents, they must get it. So, sometimes making yourself isolated can help smooth a better relationship in the long run.
6 tips for becoming a stepparent
All parents must face difficulties. However, when you act as a stepparent, the problem seems to be exacerbated by the fact that you are not a biological parent. This can open up power struggles in the family, whether from children, ex-spouses, or even your spouse.
When entering difficult times, placing the needs of children in prime positions can help you make good decisions. Here's how:
1. Prioritizing children's needs, not desires
Children need love, compassion, and consistent rules. Giving toys or treating them, especially when they don't get good grades or don't behave well, will cause a situation where you feel like you're bribing to get love. Likewise, if you feel guilty when treating biological children differently than stepchildren, don't buy gifts as antidotes. Do your best to find out how to treat them more fairly.
2. House rules
Apply the rules of your house as consistently as possible for all children, whether they are biological children, spouse children, or new children after you are together. Children and adolescents will have different rules, but they must be treated consistently at all times. This helps children adjust to the transition, such as moving to a new home or welcoming a new baby, and helping them think that all the children in your home are treated equally. If children are faced with two very different rules, it may be time for parents to talk to each other — children cannot learn to "run the system" for the short term, but instead create prolonged problems.
READ ALSO: 7 Rules for Disciplining Preschoolers
3. Create a new family tradition
Look for special activities to do with your stepchildren, but be sure to get feedback from them. Some new family traditions include playing Monopoly or other games at night, cycling together, cooking, making crafts, or even karaoke in the car. The key is to have fun together, not to win their love - children are smart and will quickly find out if you try to force relationships.
4. Respect all parents
When your ex-spouse / husband has died, it is important for you to be sensitive and respectful of that person. If the couple is divorced and child care is shared with their ex-wife / husband, try to be polite and loving in interaction with one another (no matter how difficult it is!). Never say negative things about your child's biological parents in front of children. This will actually backfire and make children angry. No child likes to hear his parents being criticized, even if he complains about them to you.
5. Don't use children as messengers or intermediaries
Try not to question children about what is happening in other households - they will hate it when they feel that they are being asked to be "spies" of other parents. If possible, communicate directly with other parents about relevant matters, such as scheduling, visits, health problems, or school problems. The online management calendar makes this process a little easier because parents can find out the day of the visit and share information with each other through the internet.
6. Talk to your partner
Communication between you and your partner is very important so you can make parenting decisions together. This is especially important if each of you has a different understanding of parenting and discipline. If you are new to parenting methods, ask your partner the best way to get to know their children. Use the resources available to find out children's interests in different ages — and don't forget to ask them.
No matter how your new family is, there will always be possible obstacles. But don't give up to make things happen - even if circumstances start to get difficult, they can still (and probably will) develop along with you and your new family members to get to know each other well.
