Contents:
- Medical Video: Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person - Alain de Botton
- Getting married is a big decision, needs careful consideration
- Are you sure you want to keep a promise for life for these reasons?
- 1. Get married because of anxiety
- 2. Get married because you feel something is missing from your life or yourself
- 3. Marry so that life becomes easier
- What if I already married for the wrong reasons?
Medical Video: Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person - Alain de Botton
Many people get married for different reasons. From the desire to get married because of being alone for a long time, feeling lonely and needing a friend, wanting a more secure life, until the desire to immediately carry a baby. However, after marriage some people regretted the decision. This is because they are married for the wrong reasons. Then how to ensure whether someone's choice to marry a potential partner is the right decision? Is the reason for the wrong marriage can make domestic life not harmonious in the future? Find the answer here.
Getting married is a big decision, needs careful consideration
Getting married can be the most beautiful procession that will be remembered for a lifetime. For some people, marriage is the main gateway to a truly new life.
Apparently, marriage can also be a gateway to various new health conditions. Marriage is proven to be able to provide various benefits. However, unhealthy marriages have been shown to bring people who experience it to various diseases.
A 2005 study cited by WebMD proved that marriages that were not satisfying for their partners, increased stress levels and worsened health. Another study quoted from the same source states that people with unhappy relationships risk heart disease.
Indeed, the study above does not prove absolutely that a good marriage will make you healthy and vice versa, a bad marriage will make you sick. However, in essence a bad marriage is not good for you.
Actually, you can prevent this unhealthy marriage from beginning. Prevention can be done since you are just thinking of getting married. The reason for improper marriage might be to make your marriage relationship in the future become unhealthy or not harmonious.
Are you sure you want to keep a promise for life for these reasons?
Before marriage, there are a number of considerations that are usually considered by each partner. Of course there are various hopes and fantasies that develop that are formed from the relationship that is being lived before marriage. These expectations are often used as the most serious consideration for deciding whether to get married or not.
For example, "Even though I have just met, we feel we have known each other for a long time," or, "I will definitely live happily with him forever,".
Apparently, these expectations are not necessarily the reason for marriage that is strong enough. The reason, such thoughts arise due to hormonal activity in the brain that makes you feel comfortable for a while. However, later on after a period of marriage, you may get other facts that are different from what you dreamed of at the beginning. In other words, the reasons above are the wrong reasons to start a marriage.
Shauna H Springer Ph.D., a psychologist from VA Northern California Relationship Seminar Series who explored the issue of marriage, expressed her opinions regarding the reasons for marriage at Psychology Today. According to Shauna, there are three reasons that are not right for marriage. More details, see the three reasons below.
1. Get married because of anxiety
"All elementary, middle and high school friends have released their bachelor days. I haven't? "Often thinking like this? Or have you considered this,"He came to me and immediately spoke, obviously this was a golden opportunity. If I don't accept it now, I'm not sure there will be another chance later. "
The statements above are based on fear and anxiety. You might be afraid that if you don't get married soon, then you will miss the people and will not succeed in life. Or you believe that by getting married, the feeling of fear will disappear soon.
People who have the reasons above, can be very confident that the partner he is going to marry is a "cure" for your fears. However, when the fear is not lost, the brain will state that your "medicine" is not effective. The effect could be the age of marriage which is only corn.
2. Get married because you feel something is missing from your life or yourself
"He loves to die with me and he will always make me feel special." Does this sentence describe your feelings for your partner? Or do you want to hurry to get married because you need a guarantee that someone wants to be with you?
If you want to get married for these reasons, you might be a person who lacks confidence. You hope that by getting married, you can fill a void in yourself. You believe that the only thing that can make you valuable in the eyes of others or in your own eyes is the status of someone's husband or wife.
In fact, not necessarily your prospective partner is the right person for you. You can also be in your heart not ready to commit fully to other people, but you cannot resist the desire to get married soon.
3. Marry so that life becomes easier
Why do you want to get married? So that someone will buy a house or help you repay a mortgage? Or so that someone will cook for you every day? Or because you are tired of going back and forth looking for a partner without certainty? It could also be because only by getting married, you can do things that should be done by a husband and wife.
The various reasons for marriage above are called pragmatic reasons. If you are a pragmatic person, you can simply marry a partner because it is beneficial for you.
Don't be mistaken. It's okay, really, if you get married because you have certain needs that must be met. However, the reason for marrying is not healthy if you ignore other important factors in making a decision to get married. For example, you really don't know the qualities of prospective partners or their families in depth.
Not infrequently married couples for pragmatic reasons finally feel dissatisfied with his marriage. Because, in the midst of marriage, you may just realize that a healthy relationship is not just a matter of good food or a luxury home. You must be able to unite two different individuals and this is indeed not easy.
What if I already married for the wrong reasons?
For people who are currently experiencing household problems, it's easy to feel hopeless. Whatever the reason for marrying you first, now it's like rice has become porridge. However, that does not mean your marriage relationship cannot be saved anymore. There are still many things that you can try to correct mistakes in the past and present, for a better future.
- Don't underestimate the stress you experience. Try to find ways to overcome them. Overcoming joint stress is certainly lighter than dealing with it yourself.
- Open about your feelings. Try to talk well about what you are feeling. Even though it's a pretty bitter reality, for example you feel bored with your partner. Submitting the feelings you are feeling from your partner will not solve the problem.
- Listen well curhatan partner. If your partner is talking about various things, try to listen and respond well. Indifferent attitude is certainly not liked by the couple.
- Stop blaming each other. Problems with marital relationships may seem to continue to appear without stopping. Focus on settlement and avoid blaming each other.
- Mutual respect. When you are desperate, you may continue to think negatively. Now, try to look more closely at the important roles of your partner in your life. Appreciate your partner for this role. Therefore, small things that your partner does like cooking or driving don't let you overlook them.
- Let time treat. Not all words or annoying actions from your partner must be taken seriously, even brought up and down. There are various other problems that are certainly bigger, which might come forward. Occasionally, let you forget by itself. The point is, don't lose to your own emotions or ego.
