Contents:
- Medical Video: 6 Signs You’re Dealing With a Toxic Person
- 1. Delaying
- 2. Refuse
- 3. Switching the conversation
- 4. Underestimate
Medical Video: 6 Signs You’re Dealing With a Toxic Person
"Ah, you made it up."
"Don't worry, I mean it wasn't like that."
"Who says it? I never did that. Don't accuse carelessly! "
"How come I'm wrong? I've said it before ... "- Even though it never was.
Do you hear these sentences often spoken from your partner's mouth, making you doubt yourself? If so, the problem may not lie with you. Your partner might use disguised manipulation tactics called gaslighting.
What is gaslighting?
The term "gaslighting" comes from an old drama called Gaslight, where the husband tries to make his wife go crazy by turning off their house lights then denying that something is wrong with the lamp when the wife asks about it.
Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that causes victims to question themselves, their instincts, and sanity, thus giving the perpetrators power and control to control the victim. Actors do various ways to make you, as a victim, feel guilty and unworthy by being defensive (rejecting reality), manipulating, underestimating, and suspecting the victim.
Gaslighting is common when the victim realizes or knows something about the offender who does not want to admit it. When the victim tries to discuss it, the offender insists on denying the reality and changing the accusations towards the victim, thereby changing the perception of the victim and the public that is the real victim in the situation. Gaslighting is more than disagreement - your reality is rejected outright, it is considered impossible or irrational from tone of voice and satire, or even blatantly accusing you of being "crazy". And, because you are sincerely willing to reflect on your mistakes in order to maintain your relationship, you will begin to doubt yourself.
In addition, because only the perpetrator knows what really happened, there will be a pattern of behavior that appears very clear, which you know is a lie but still convincing. As a result, you only receive one interpretation of reality from one party: the perpetrator. Over time, you feel anxious and confused at all times, isolated, depressed, and even have an understanding of deviant reality. Not that you literally believe you will truly be crazy, but doubt the truth of your own version.
Gaslighting can occur between boss-subordinate, parent-child relationships, even between friends, but is most commonly found in romantic relationships. Men and women can be victims and perpetrators.
The behavior often associated with gaslighting
1. Delaying
Your partner pretends to not understand or refuses to listen to you. He might say, "I don't want to hear this problem again."
2. Refuse
Your partner will question your memory, even if you believe you know what happened. He will say, for example, "No, it's impossible. You are wrong. You are forgetful, "or" You are making it up. That never happened. "
3. Switching the conversation
Your partner ends the conversation by silencing you or ignoring you by saying "Who said? This one? That one? Where is the proof? Don't want to be influenced by the same ... "
4. Underestimate
Your partner makes you feel low, helpless, constantly saying you are too sensitive, or "Are you grumbling just because of that trivial thing? The only thing is! "
Your partner's danger signs are manipulative
Once the manipulation tactics succeed in undermining the perceptions and self-confidence of the victim, the victim will be more likely to remain in the relationship abusive it was because he no longer believed that he could survive without perpetrators.
Here are the signs of a manipulative partner that you should be aware of:
1. You often feel confused and confused
Gaslighting removes your ability to think rationally and critically in almost every situation. Actors tend to question every little thing you do, can even act as far as denying things that clearly you (and he!) Remember to happen - including promises he made for you.
If your partner often humbles you and twists the facts so that you appear irrational and unreasonable, this is a sign of danger he is doing gaslighting. Plus, if you feel very confused to feel lost, this is also a sign that you should be aware of.
2. You wonder if you are too sensitive
Gaslighting's favorite tactic is to accuse your partner of being too emotional, excessive, and sensitive every time you express your dislike of behavior or something he does. The victim finally believed that what was alleged was true after hearing it millions of times.
This behavior does not recognize your identity and feelings as an individual, and underestimate the mistakes made by the perpetrator - if it occurs in the long run it will be toxic in your relationship, regardless of whether your partner is doing gaslighting or not.
3. You often doubt yourself
The victims of gaslighting began to believe in the reality's perception of the perpetrators rather than their own beliefs. "Parties who are in a higher position try to shape the reality of the weaker party - and the victim is in a vulnerable position to allow that manipulation to occur and remove the logic," said Dr. Robin Stern Ph.D, a licensed psychotherapist, reported from Psychology Today.
4. You always apologize for what happened (even if you are not wrong)
Even though you have insisted on defending yourself and giving the facts, you always end arguments and arguments by apologizing - even though you know for certain that you are right and your partner is wrong? Gaslighting players will continue to look for ways to point fingers and make you a scapegoat, so that in the long run, you will wonder if you are worthy of being a companion, for anyone.
And if you're not involved in the argument, the perpetrator will overestimate trivial mistakes, such as accusing you of not caring and caring for him when buying the wrong brand of toothpaste.
5. You often argue over your partner's behavior
Perhaps, the most obvious and common sign of gaslighting is when friends or close family begin to doubt your partner's behavior and "good intentions" - outsiders will always be more aware of signs of abuse. As a victim, you put yourself as your partner's "spokesperson," struggling to justify each of his actions every time everyone; for example, like, "Well, he really is, but actually he's good" or "He's just again bad mood," etc. Or, even lying to friends and family to avoid having to constantly clarify every action.
6. You are always on high alert and trying to predict everything
Being trapped in an abusive emotional relationship means that you are constantly on the verge of "living and dying", always being aware that something will happen. You will almost never know when you will be treated to the latest accusations or versions of reality that are far from the reality you believe.
Predicting the future is when you become so careful that you will make comments or act, try to think hard about how you might interpret things incorrectly. When you are in a gaslighting attack, you become so obsessed with the idea of gaining trust, that you end up doing the right thing so that you don't stop for a moment to think, "Wait a minute, it looks like something's wrong with that."
Estimating what will happen like a weather forecast is a waste because of the idea of keeping yourself free from accusations even when you have done everything perfectly to avoid criticism, gaslighting will still occur. Your partner will act as far as possible to make sure you cannot predict the results.
What should be done if you suspect your partner is manipulative?
If you feel you are involved in a relationship abusive, get professional help if you don't improve after exerting all your abilities to "tame" your partner's emotional outburst. Another strategy that you might be able to do: do not lad your partner when he starts nagging and pointing fingers. Sometimes, silence is a good weapon.
A healthy couple quarrel involves both parties defending each other's beliefs, discussing to reach the middle point, rather than giving up self-esteem and individual thoughts to feel loved. This is why couples involved in gaslighting relationships never feel close.
If the situation does not turn around, prepare to leave your partner - even though it does take a lot of hard work. The good news is, there is hope. Relationshipabusive not a life sentence.
If you think that you might be a victim of gaslighting or other forms of emotional or physical abuse, contact the National Commission's Anti-Violence Against Violence hotline (Komnas Perempuan) at + 62-21-3903963.
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