Contents:
- Medical Video: When Someone You Love Dies,There Is No Such Thing as Moving On | Kelley Lynn | TEDxAdelphiUniversity
- Facing a doctor's diagnosis
- The importance of talking about death with loved ones
- Talking about death is different from breaking expectations
- Does the patient know that his death is approaching?
Medical Video: When Someone You Love Dies,There Is No Such Thing as Moving On | Kelley Lynn | TEDxAdelphiUniversity
When your family member or closest person is sentenced to a chronic illness, you certainly want to accompany and support him through critical times. However, what if the doctor stated that the illness was too serious and could not be cured again with the treatment currently available?
You may be overwhelmed with doubt. Do you need to tell loved ones about this fact? Or do you have to cover it so that your loved ones are still optimistic about the chances of his recovery? Following are the considerations.
Facing a doctor's diagnosis
When a doctor verifies that your loved one's life expectancy is very thin, it's natural that you feel unacceptable, angry, frantic, or very sad. However, remember that you must focus on the best care for your loved ones.
So, you should seek the opinion of another doctor (second opinion) This is to ensure that there are no more treatments that can be tried. If indeed according to the doctors there is no way, then you should begin to prioritize palliative care for patients.
The importance of talking about death with loved ones
In society, talking about death is considered a taboo thing and should be avoided as much as possible. This belief may be legitimate if you and your family are in ideal conditions, namely physical and spiritual health.
However, for patients and families who are in critical condition, talking about death may be very helpful in improving the quality of life of patients. Because, by accepting reality and being open with loved ones, you and your family can accompany him in making the best medical decisions.
The problem is that if the patient is still forcing himself to undergo a tiring and painful medical process, he may lose his precious time. For example patients are still undergoing chemotherapy or dialysis, even though in fact the patient's body has not responded to the action.
Medical action just made the patient become weaker and more painful. Whereas if your loved one knows the results of a doctor's diagnosis, maybe patients tend to choose palliative care that prioritizes comfort and quality of life.
In addition, knowing the reality can provide an opportunity for patients to truly maximize the time they still have with the people or activities that mean the most to them. When someone knows his death is near, they generally feel the need to do a few things before they die. For example apologizing to someone, forgiving someone, conveying love to someone or family, thanking certain people, and saying goodbye.
In addition, they also have time to prepare such as where they want to spend the last seconds - whether in the hospital or at home with family, like what funeral they want, or arrange inheritance. All this to achieve a peaceful and dignified death.
In the end, the decision to talk about death with a loved one who is seriously ill is in your own hands. Look carefully at the patient's own attitude. From there, you can determine whether you want to tell the extent to which the diagnosis is made by the doctors.
Talking about death is different from breaking expectations
You might be afraid to talk about death with a loved one because you don't want to scare or make him despair. You're worried that he might lose the spirit of fighting and getting sick. In fact, talking about death is not the same as breaking someone's life expectancy. You too go awry.
Breaking hope means giving up. Whereas you and your loved ones do not give up, but set priorities. Which is more important for you and your loved ones at this time: healing is a very small opportunity or gives an opportunity for your loved ones to enjoy their precious moments of death? Whatever the choice, you will still be there to fight for a more meaningful life.
After all, not everyone is immediately discouraged when they know that there is no treatment that can help fight the disease. Only the family and closest people can judge how strong the patient's soul is in accepting the bitter reality.
But if your loved one really refuses to talk about death or even hears a diagnosis from a doctor, it doesn't need to be forced.
Does the patient know that his death is approaching?
When facing a chronic illness, your loved one may have a feeling that the time will come. This feeling arises automatically, like the instinct of a pregnant woman who is about to give birth soon. However, some people try to ignore, deny, or cover up the appearance of the hunch.
You must be sensitive to this hunch. For example, if a loved one suddenly expresses the desire to go to a distant place or wants to meet loved ones to say goodbye.
If your loved one discusses these things, don't be denied by saying, "You won't go anywhere." This means you just throw away feelings and worries about death.
Instead, show your affection and care by asking, "Why do you say that? What do you feel now?". Listen carefully to the outpouring of your heart, even though now you don't really know what it means.
Without realizing it, people who are nearing death often just want to talk about his death, but fear making people around him sad. So, don't be afraid to discuss the results of a doctor's diagnosis to discuss death with a chronic disease patient.
