Should I Force Children to Join Many Exams and Les Bimbel?

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For many students, school is a place for severe stressors. Students who have just understood a theoretical concept and are slightly slower than other friends, will feel anxious in solving questions on the front board of the class, witnessed by dozens of pairs of eyes on classmates and also their teachers. Sudden tests and quizzes increase anxiety in almost every child; to those who take it seriously though. The threat of failure and shame associated with failure produces major anxiety in some children.

Then, pressure came from parents who hired private tutors for their children who were even ranked in the class, just to keep them from going off track. Some enrolled their children in various tutoring and tutoring (academic, sports, arts) to give a little advantage among their friends. All this is done so that the best universities want to accept them with open arms; so that their children have the best chance of success in the future.

Registering children to take lessons and tutoring encouraged them to reach their dreams

There are many advantages in encouraging children to succeed in their academic lives. This parenting pattern gives them the opportunity to truly excel in life, and helps children who are truly ambitious to achieve their goals. But, again, this idea will only succeed if these children are suitable to be encouraged or have the ability to be pushed to their maximum limits. Some children can work well under pressure.

Encouraging children to participate in bimbel and tutoring for the sake of being the best is often based on good intentions. You as a parent worry that they will be left behind in the competitive world of work. But, the idea of being the best and having everything will bring happiness is an illusion. For children, being stoned by pressure from various sides only brings more fatigue, anxiety, and inferiority. Children feel constantly under constant supervision, and begin to feel not good enough as a child.

School activity coupled with taking lessons and tutoring can also destroy children's confidence

Not all children's personalities are suitable to be encouraged, and many parents ignore the signs in their children. The results appear not only in academic values, but also in their welfare. Meeting the daily schedule of children with so many extracurricular activities that make them unable to breathe can create the next generation that is suffocated by anxiety.

A child who enjoys soccer, for example, can develop if given pressure related to practice and play. But on the other hand, stress can be very overwhelming if the child is not handled well. The same child who likes football can begin to collapse if he is also involved in four or five other extracurricular activities at the same time.

The psychological basis is, anxiety inhibits a person's success in learning well. Learning will reap optimal results in pleasant situations for the person, and anxiety hinders the instinct of play. The compelling nature of school, tutoring, and guidance in turning learning into a job. The teachers even consider it a task, "homework" that must be completed before the child can rest. Therefore, learning, something that a child should biologically desire for growth and development, becomes a hard work - something that should be avoided as much as possible.

As a result, this is related to depression, anger, anxiety disorders, substance abuse and alcohol, lying, eating disorders, carelessness, mental emptiness, self-doubt, and self-blame, self-injurious behavior, and suicidal tendencies.

Successful children under pressure bear many hidden burdens

What happens psychologically to children who live with parents who demand that they be the best? This will depend on the child's temperament, the closeness between parents and children, and how much support the child receives from other caregivers in his life.

But, the most frightening manifestation of this culture of perfectionism may occur in adolescents who are in desperate need of help, but managed to deceive the people around them by revealing happy, radiant faces and expressions of "success". The psychological foundation of a child like this is very fragile. They are very easy to feel disappointed with themselves for every "failure" they make, believing that they don't need help. Silently sinking under the constant pressure to become a "gifted child" in order to avoid falling into despair and shame, they feel trapped but cannot admit it. Even the shadow of disappointing their parents will activate the feeling that their world is collapsing. These teens say, "I better die than disappoint parents."

Children who succeed through a school obstacle without any blisters but fail to develop a sense of security in themselves may be destroyed with less support in the world of lectures, or in romantic relationships, when faced with increasing challenges and seen as "not as perfect as they used to be " Without a realistic sense and acceptance of their strengths and weaknesses, or skills to deal with inevitable failures, they are not equipped with the ability to deal with problems well. Furthermore, their addiction to getting praise creates emotional instability, sacrificing peace of mind.

Reporting from WebMD, a study at Kansas State University examined 13,257 students who received counseling between 1988 and 2001. The researchers found that the level of depression among students doubled at that time, while the number of students who committed suicide counted three times. Until 1994, the most common problem was what was expected: the misery of relations between parents and children and their relation to school, according to the journal journal Professional Psychology: Research and Practice in 2003.

Parents who poured a lot of money for their children tutoring and bimbel here and there, sacrificing academic performance

A national study in the United States has found that more money is spent by parents paying for their children's tertiary education preparation, the performance of children's academic values tends to be far worse than expected. A study by Laura Hamilton, a professor of sociology at the University of California, Merced, was reported from Forbes, reported that the financial contribution of older parents was related to a decrease in academic value among students at various universities.

The results of this study are striking because most parents consider that the more money they pay for their children's education, it would be better for their children to appear academically. If the child does not need to worry about the registration fee and tutoring here and there, money goes to new schools and all kinds of things, according to parents, the child's mind will be more free to study more diligently.

But it turns out that students whose tuition fees are fully paid by their parents, are actually involved in recreational activities outside of school. In other words, they party instead of learning. Most students do not arrive at parties until they drop out of college, but they damage their academic performance.

"I really think pressure [associated with school] is the main factor that plays a role in drug use, early sex, binge drinking - children feel depressed, they feel tremendous stress," said Alvin Rosenfeld, MD, author The Over-scheduled Child: Avoiding the Hyper-parenting Trap.

What should you do as a parent?

Children need a break - gather with family to relax, vent, play games, and maybe occasionally go to the mall with their school friends. Children and parents who focus their lives walking from one bimbel to another have little chance to have this experience. This can adversely affect children, and also risk your relationship with your child as a family.

Not pushing children too hard is important, especially if you want your child to trust you and feel safe knowing that your love and affection comes from who they really are right now, not who they are in the future. Feeling safe and secure comes from the foundation of a strong relationship, not from physical and emotional strength (pressure and money) to forge them into a figure they don't want; because when this push no longer exists, the structure will collapse, because the foundation is not as strong as expected. Sensitivity, support, and positive encouragement will encourage children who like learning, now and forever.

Nadine Kaslow, PhD, professor of psychiatry and behavioral science at Emory University and chief psychologist at Grady Health System in Atlanta advises parents to encourage their children to try new activities and enroll them in tutoring and tutoring for six weeks of study. But if the child is not enthusiastic after six weeks, retreat. Let them focus on the activities they like. What makes a person's life better is the ability to do one thing well and like it.

In the end, it is important to emphasize that we do not believe that the public must prohibit children from going to school and replace it with unemployment. Children will educate themselves, but we as adults have a responsibility to provide an environment that enables them to do optimal learning.